Free Tips To Increase Self Confidence

1. DRUNK!

At the age of sixteen I was invited out for the evening on a Saturday night to celebrate a friend's birthday. This for most people would be something to look forward to, for me it was something to dread. Socialising and ordering drinks for somebody who has a stutter is bad enough, but I regularly seemed to bare the brunt of the evening's jokes about me height, weight and occasionally my bald patch. Even though my friend's were not doing this to be cruel, I was very paranoid about myself at that age and this banter would hurt.

I had often been out for evenings where I drank alcohol, however up to this point had never been drunk. On this particular night the drink flowed and before long I found myself a little worse for ware. The results of which would later change my life.

I found myself talking to lots of different people, some of which I did not know, even girls! My whole character and personality started to change, I was telling jokes and when someone made a comment about my weight for example, I laughed and even came back with a derogatory comment about him, joining in the banter and seemingly enjoying it.

My attitude changed, for example instead of thinking that a certain girl might not want me because of my weight, stutter or height, I thought to myself, she will want me, I'm a good person and could make her laugh. My whole outlook was far more positive and my confidence was buzzing. It was a superb and very enjoyable night.

The next morning I awoke not feeling the best with a bad hangover. One of the highlights of the previous night was that I had been given a phone number from one of the girls I had met. I told her that I would phone her to arrange a date, however I was now sober, back to my normal self and no did not have the confidence to ring. This girl thinks I am fluent, how would she react if I stutter, I wondered.

I went to bed most disappointed with myself but started to analyse the differences between when I had been drunk to when I was sober. The conclusion was obvious, when drunk I can talk, I don't care about my weight, lack of height etc. When sober I have a lack of confidence and am paranoid about certain aspects about my person. I knew that I could not be drunk 24/7 and that what I needed to do was to become a harder person, less paranoid etc. I had to be mentally drunk all of the time without being physically drunk. I knew this would be hard to achieve but in the future possibly when I was older would be a must.

This attitude is hard to achieve, however using some of the following methods became a reality for me a number of years later.

2. YOU HAVE TO START TO LIKE YOURSELF!

At the age of twenty-two I decided to as already stated deal with and try to overcome some of the issues in my life. I started to read various books, like mind over matter and positive thinking type books.

In one such book it had a line which read:

"You need to start to like yourself"

I put the book down and starting to think and realised that I didn't actually like myself. I hated being overweight, shorter than average, having a bald patch and especially having a speech impediment.

I carried on reading and it went on to say:

"There are various things about one's self which even though we don't like we are unable to change, therefore we have to accept them. Other aspects we can change therefore we have to work extremely hard with determination to eradicate them.

Once again I put the book down and thought about this. Firstly my height, am I ever going to grow any taller? The answer is no, there is nothing I can do to increase my height at the age of twenty-two therefore I have to accept it. From reading more of the book later I realised that I was being over-sensitive about this and some of my other issues. There are a lot of people out there a lot worse off than I am. Does my current height hurt me in anyway or affect my life in any major negative way, again the answer is no.

Secondly, the bald area on my head. As with the above hair is not going to start growing in that area of my scalp, I have had the bald patch since birth and therefore have to accept the fact and even try to like it.

Then there is my weight. This is something that I could change, therefore I have to work hard to lose the weight. I have to accept certain sacrifices; such as to eat less fatty foods and be disciplined to reach my target weight, however long it might take.

Finally there is my speech impediment. I had had a stutter since the age of four and for me this was the most important of all of my issues. I was not sure if I would be able to achieve fluency, however in my mind believed I could. If I can talk when I am drunk I should be able to talk when I am fluent. I was not going to accept having a stutter for the rest of my life until I had worked hard to eradicate it. Work hard I did and eventually I overcome this major issue in my life.

I advise people that the above were my own personal issues and that each individual has to identify there own. It is then a case of accepting the issues which can not be changed and working hard to overcome the ones that can.

3. ATTITUDE

I was somebody who wanted to be like by everybody. If anybody criticised me or called me names, I would easily be offended and my confidence would drop. As an example from the age of about seventeen I would go out with my friends most Friday and Saturday nights to public houses and sometimes to a night club. I remember one Saturday morning, aged about eighteen, waking up feeling quite ill, very hung over. I had consumed far too much alcohol on the previous evening. I looked in my wallet and had also spent far too much money. I decided that I would stay in on the Saturday night, just for a change. During the afternoon I had a phone call from a friend called Phil. He asked me where we going that night. After telling him that I was not going out, he called me boring on numerous occasions, offering to lend me money, saying that I had changed etc. I didn't want him to think of me in this way however stuck to my guns, eventually he put the phone down on me in a mood. Within a few minutes another friend phoned asking why I was not going out, also calling me various names including boring. I ended up going out.

At this age I did not have enough respect for myself, I was too concerned what people thought of me and was easily persuaded into doing things and going places that I in didn't want to.

After reading some of the books as mentioned above I realised this and asked myself a question:

"Am I boring"

I have lots of interests, theatre, cinema, eating out, chess, football, snooker, golf, horse racing, tennis, music to name a few. By this age I was becoming bored of going out drinking alcohol. I decided to be strong and stated to my friends that I was now only going out drinking once a month. Originally, every Friday and Saturday night people would phone asking me if I was going out, if I declined I was criticised, your so boring for example. My new found attitude, though hard at first to adopt and follow through meant that I didn't really care and I certainly didn't bow to pressure.

One particular friend, Phil, was particularly verbally aggressive and demanding, calling me different names. He was seemingly in shock that someone was standing up to him. On one afternoon I fought back and said to him:

"Whatever you say, whatever you call me, I am not going out tonight, however I will go out with you on Tuesday night if you want to"

He agreed to this so I asked him if he wanted a game of snooker, or golf, or a trip to the cinema or theatre. He thought all of these options were "boring". I mentioned other interests of mine such as chess, again all of the options I mentioned he didn't find interesting. I said to him:

"OK, where would you like to go?" "What about the pub for a few beers?"

I laughed at Phil and said:

"I'm sorry mate you're the one who is boring not me".

I then put the phone down on him for a change.

My attitude was beginning to change for the better. I was becoming harder and stronger mentally. A few years later I met my present fiancee and I soon realised I was a long way off the level I wanted to be. Her name is Sharron and a couple of weeks after we had met she invited me to a night out with some of her friends who she said wanted to meet me. I knew I had to go even though in reality it was the last thing I wanted to do. I was worried what her friends might think of me etc. I did attend and managed to cope, however I was very quiet, felt uncomfortable throughout the evening and felt very nervous. I was glad to get back to the safety of my own home! A couple of weeks later I was invited to meet her parents and immediately I had the same feelings as above and the night passed in a similar way with me having a distinct lack of confidence etc.

About a month later Sharron agreed to accompany me to a wedding in Birmingham where I was born. On this day she would meet most of my friends and family for the first time. As we were driving on the motorway I thought she must be a bit nervous. I asked her if she was OK and if she was slightly nervous. She replied:

"What have I got to be nervous about?"

"Well your meeting my family and friends later. Are you not concerned what they will think of you?"

"Steve, I don't care what they think of me. It's what you think that counts and I know you like me!"

This was not a front she was putting on. Suddenly I realised how far I was away from the attitude to life and attitude to people I wanted to have. Sharron has helped me to reach that level. Being around positive people at this stage was very beneficial to me.

Personal Development Power Tips

Personal Development, at its basis, is anything that allows us to grow into an ordered life that is of our choosing. This is one of the most cherished of goals among self improvement practitioners. There are some excellent methods available for achieving it. However, it is easier said than done. Here are a few hints and tips to get you started.

Clean the clutter from your life. There is an excellent saying in the personal development field,  "a tidy desk is a tidy mind". Often times your outer environment is a reflection of the way you think and feel. Is your living or working space always cluttered?  It's important that you start to order your environment to reflect the ordered life you are building. Clear away unnecessary clutter from your surroundings. This may sound like a meaningless task but you are sending a very clear message to your subconscious mind that you intend to get organised. 

When you begin to organise your living and working environment it allows you to develop the basic skills needed for organising your life. This can be achieved through goals. You should structure your goals in such a way that each one builds on the other and ensure that they are not in opposition to one and other.

Don't be too set on achieving your goals in exactly the manner you intend to. A major factor in the non-attainment of goals is the inability to restructure plans and change direction when circumstances dictate these should be done. Remain flexible. 

You learn from your mistakes and from hardship! This may be something that you do not want to hear because the very point of self improvement and personal development is to eliminate the suffering we feel in our lives and make to create a life we want to live. However,  challenges and failures have a tendency of bringing out the best in us as we rise to the challenge and learn from our mistakes. You can't truly know success unless you have failed! Learn from the failure and move on.

Don't focus on the mistakes. Simply analyse them and learn the lesson they are trying to teach you. By staying focused on your failures, problems or toils you are actually creating more of them or at least keeping them in your experience. Focus on the solutions or at least focus on the fact "your still in the game". Consider any mistakes you've made as life lessons. Apply what you have learned from them and use them as references (of what not to do) in the future. 

Always set goals for yourself that are realistic yet will stretch you beyond your current "comfort zone". Each goal should be an aid to progressing to your next. 
 
Make sure you follow through on your plans. Persistence can accomplish things that nothing else can. How many times were you close to the end of the rainbow, and without even knowing how close you were, you quit? You may be someone who has drive at the start of a venture but find your enthusiasm waning as you progress, lacking the motivation that is needed to "keep you keeping on" during times of hardship. Those who persist, especially in times like these, are those who ALWAYS win! 

Never, ever, ever give-up! 

The only true failure occurs when you quit. If you keep trying then obviously you haven't failed because the final verdict isn't in yet. But by quitting there is no more chance of success and you have failed!

Recreation is a must! You should aim to spend time with family and friends as this will offset any stress you are feeling and give you a balanced outlook. Human interaction is natural, healthy and enjoyable. Most goals will come to you through other people. This is a simple fact! No-one achieves anything worthwhile and worthy without some type of help or interaction from and with others. By keeping your social network open, alive and healthy you will open up avenues that you never knew existed.

Bring Love Into Your Life

So many people are complaining about the lack of love in their life. They act as if some stranger decided one day to take away the love out of their lives. They hold on to lovers already gone since eternity, or they dream about a partner coming into their life to give them everything they are not able to give themselves. They balance between hope and desperation. They look for love outside themselves and believe one day a charming prince on a white horse will knock at the door and take them away to live for ever happy in a castle for away from reality.

Other people are trying to survive in a bad relationship that holds their greatness hostage. They live in fear and anger every day but don't know how to get out of this prison.

Do you know such people? Does this sound like you? Do you feel lonely, are you dreaming of the right one who will show up one day and end all the misery you're going through now? 

The bad news is this will not happen.
The good news is YOU can do a lot yourself to feel loved.

Let me explain.
Life is like a building. There are a lot of floors : the ground floor, the cellar, the first floor, second floor and so on. The higher you go in the building, the more light there is, the easier and lighter things are, the more friendly and energetic people are, the higher are the vibrations and most of all : the more love there is.

Picture this building of life in your mental eye. In the cellar you will find people like rapers, thiefs, harassers, killers, people who beat their children or companion and others who made a life out of hurting others. 
On the groundfloor you will find a lot of people. In fact most of humanity lives here. These are the ones who content themselves by vegetating instead of living. They don't think by themselves, they undergo life. They do nothing. They live like robots. They go to their job every day, come home every day, watch the same television program every day with a beer in one hand and a hotdog in the other hand. They do not dream. They are stuck in their lifestyle and think everything will always be the same.

Then you go up. As I said, the higher you get, the easier, the lighter life is. Life IS easy, life IS light. The cellar, groundfloor and lower floors are creations from the human mind. We created these lifestyles by our heavy thoughts, thoughts about scarcity, fear, death, anger, sadness, revenge and so on. Here are the lives of those who choose to think low energy thoughts. Those who live in fear, hate, jealousy, doubts, low self esteem, troubles. Those have bad relationships, where struggle and anger and negativity set the tone. They are not happy. They maintain the illusion everything is someone else's fault and they have either to wait for the other to change, so their life will change, or they have to destroy the other one to have a better life (think of the one who kills the husband of the woman he wants to live with, or those who kill other minded people in order to be free to live like they want). This will never give freedom or love.

So what to do if you want to move up in that building of life and live free and in love?

First you have to make a decision. Yes, you have to decide WHERE you want to be. On which floor do you want to live your life now?

Is it the cellar? No, I don't think so. Is is the groundfloor? I don't think it either. Let's say you want to be at the 17th floor. But you feel you are at this moment in your life at the 3rd floor only. You hate your job, you have a lousy relationship with your partner, you're in bad shape and your energy is low. 
So you decided you wanted a life in the vibration of the 17th floor, where there is love, real friendship, positive expectations, inner strength, power, a job you like, health and wealth.

What to do? You decided where you want to be. What you will do now? Should you wait until someone will knock on your door to take you there? No way! Will never happen! Even if you would meet someone with an energy level of 17, he will never carry you from the 3rd to the 17th floor, because he will be exhausted. It needs to be YOUR decision and YOUR action!!

So YOU have to move yourself up. How? Read! Read more! Read how you can create your life by changing your thoughts and your behavior! Go to workshops where you can learn how to unleash you inner power. Use the wonderful information bank which is called Internet and which offers you a bunch of positive information and e-courses (often for free). Surround you with loving people. Learn how to love yourself.

So first you decide where you want to be. Than you do whatever you can to get there, on your own. You may ask help of course, you may find yourself a coach (which is really a good decision!) but don't look for somebody to carry you. You will fall down immediately the moment he puts you down. If you didn't get there by yourself, it won't last, it is not worth anything because you moved yourself up with somebody else's energy and you are depending on his energy.

Once you get at the floor of your choice, let's say 17, you will meet automatically people who vibrate at this level of energy. Energy-17 people. Loving, caring, wonderful people. People who feel good about themselves and who don't need others to steal their energy. They learned how to generate energy by themselves. They are not slaves. They are not dominators. They love and respect others.

Do you want to meet someone like that? Do you want to share your life with somebody who has a 17-energy (or more)? Go there! Go at their level and you will meet them, that's a guarantee!

Move yourself up.

If you live in a bad relationship right now, and you do whatever you can to get yourself moving higher, you will see what will happen. Your partner, who is still vibrating on energy 3 or 2 or on cellar-level won't be able to follow you and you will take separate roads.

Don't make the mistake of trying to pull someone up who wants to stay at his low level. You will never succeed. Especially women should be aware of this : don't spoil your energy at trying to get others moving up with you. It's a waste of time. Everybody should decide for himself. Don't carry others on your back, you will crack down! Decide for yourself, go for it, and see what happens. The higher you get in energy-levels, the better it will be. There you will agree with me : life is wonderful!