Free Tips To Increase Self Confidence

1. DRUNK!

At the age of sixteen I was invited out for the evening on a Saturday night to celebrate a friend's birthday. This for most people would be something to look forward to, for me it was something to dread. Socialising and ordering drinks for somebody who has a stutter is bad enough, but I regularly seemed to bare the brunt of the evening's jokes about me height, weight and occasionally my bald patch. Even though my friend's were not doing this to be cruel, I was very paranoid about myself at that age and this banter would hurt.

I had often been out for evenings where I drank alcohol, however up to this point had never been drunk. On this particular night the drink flowed and before long I found myself a little worse for ware. The results of which would later change my life.

I found myself talking to lots of different people, some of which I did not know, even girls! My whole character and personality started to change, I was telling jokes and when someone made a comment about my weight for example, I laughed and even came back with a derogatory comment about him, joining in the banter and seemingly enjoying it.

My attitude changed, for example instead of thinking that a certain girl might not want me because of my weight, stutter or height, I thought to myself, she will want me, I'm a good person and could make her laugh. My whole outlook was far more positive and my confidence was buzzing. It was a superb and very enjoyable night.

The next morning I awoke not feeling the best with a bad hangover. One of the highlights of the previous night was that I had been given a phone number from one of the girls I had met. I told her that I would phone her to arrange a date, however I was now sober, back to my normal self and no did not have the confidence to ring. This girl thinks I am fluent, how would she react if I stutter, I wondered.

I went to bed most disappointed with myself but started to analyse the differences between when I had been drunk to when I was sober. The conclusion was obvious, when drunk I can talk, I don't care about my weight, lack of height etc. When sober I have a lack of confidence and am paranoid about certain aspects about my person. I knew that I could not be drunk 24/7 and that what I needed to do was to become a harder person, less paranoid etc. I had to be mentally drunk all of the time without being physically drunk. I knew this would be hard to achieve but in the future possibly when I was older would be a must.

This attitude is hard to achieve, however using some of the following methods became a reality for me a number of years later.

2. YOU HAVE TO START TO LIKE YOURSELF!

At the age of twenty-two I decided to as already stated deal with and try to overcome some of the issues in my life. I started to read various books, like mind over matter and positive thinking type books.

In one such book it had a line which read:

"You need to start to like yourself"

I put the book down and starting to think and realised that I didn't actually like myself. I hated being overweight, shorter than average, having a bald patch and especially having a speech impediment.

I carried on reading and it went on to say:

"There are various things about one's self which even though we don't like we are unable to change, therefore we have to accept them. Other aspects we can change therefore we have to work extremely hard with determination to eradicate them.

Once again I put the book down and thought about this. Firstly my height, am I ever going to grow any taller? The answer is no, there is nothing I can do to increase my height at the age of twenty-two therefore I have to accept it. From reading more of the book later I realised that I was being over-sensitive about this and some of my other issues. There are a lot of people out there a lot worse off than I am. Does my current height hurt me in anyway or affect my life in any major negative way, again the answer is no.

Secondly, the bald area on my head. As with the above hair is not going to start growing in that area of my scalp, I have had the bald patch since birth and therefore have to accept the fact and even try to like it.

Then there is my weight. This is something that I could change, therefore I have to work hard to lose the weight. I have to accept certain sacrifices; such as to eat less fatty foods and be disciplined to reach my target weight, however long it might take.

Finally there is my speech impediment. I had had a stutter since the age of four and for me this was the most important of all of my issues. I was not sure if I would be able to achieve fluency, however in my mind believed I could. If I can talk when I am drunk I should be able to talk when I am fluent. I was not going to accept having a stutter for the rest of my life until I had worked hard to eradicate it. Work hard I did and eventually I overcome this major issue in my life.

I advise people that the above were my own personal issues and that each individual has to identify there own. It is then a case of accepting the issues which can not be changed and working hard to overcome the ones that can.

3. ATTITUDE

I was somebody who wanted to be like by everybody. If anybody criticised me or called me names, I would easily be offended and my confidence would drop. As an example from the age of about seventeen I would go out with my friends most Friday and Saturday nights to public houses and sometimes to a night club. I remember one Saturday morning, aged about eighteen, waking up feeling quite ill, very hung over. I had consumed far too much alcohol on the previous evening. I looked in my wallet and had also spent far too much money. I decided that I would stay in on the Saturday night, just for a change. During the afternoon I had a phone call from a friend called Phil. He asked me where we going that night. After telling him that I was not going out, he called me boring on numerous occasions, offering to lend me money, saying that I had changed etc. I didn't want him to think of me in this way however stuck to my guns, eventually he put the phone down on me in a mood. Within a few minutes another friend phoned asking why I was not going out, also calling me various names including boring. I ended up going out.

At this age I did not have enough respect for myself, I was too concerned what people thought of me and was easily persuaded into doing things and going places that I in didn't want to.

After reading some of the books as mentioned above I realised this and asked myself a question:

"Am I boring"

I have lots of interests, theatre, cinema, eating out, chess, football, snooker, golf, horse racing, tennis, music to name a few. By this age I was becoming bored of going out drinking alcohol. I decided to be strong and stated to my friends that I was now only going out drinking once a month. Originally, every Friday and Saturday night people would phone asking me if I was going out, if I declined I was criticised, your so boring for example. My new found attitude, though hard at first to adopt and follow through meant that I didn't really care and I certainly didn't bow to pressure.

One particular friend, Phil, was particularly verbally aggressive and demanding, calling me different names. He was seemingly in shock that someone was standing up to him. On one afternoon I fought back and said to him:

"Whatever you say, whatever you call me, I am not going out tonight, however I will go out with you on Tuesday night if you want to"

He agreed to this so I asked him if he wanted a game of snooker, or golf, or a trip to the cinema or theatre. He thought all of these options were "boring". I mentioned other interests of mine such as chess, again all of the options I mentioned he didn't find interesting. I said to him:

"OK, where would you like to go?" "What about the pub for a few beers?"

I laughed at Phil and said:

"I'm sorry mate you're the one who is boring not me".

I then put the phone down on him for a change.

My attitude was beginning to change for the better. I was becoming harder and stronger mentally. A few years later I met my present fiancee and I soon realised I was a long way off the level I wanted to be. Her name is Sharron and a couple of weeks after we had met she invited me to a night out with some of her friends who she said wanted to meet me. I knew I had to go even though in reality it was the last thing I wanted to do. I was worried what her friends might think of me etc. I did attend and managed to cope, however I was very quiet, felt uncomfortable throughout the evening and felt very nervous. I was glad to get back to the safety of my own home! A couple of weeks later I was invited to meet her parents and immediately I had the same feelings as above and the night passed in a similar way with me having a distinct lack of confidence etc.

About a month later Sharron agreed to accompany me to a wedding in Birmingham where I was born. On this day she would meet most of my friends and family for the first time. As we were driving on the motorway I thought she must be a bit nervous. I asked her if she was OK and if she was slightly nervous. She replied:

"What have I got to be nervous about?"

"Well your meeting my family and friends later. Are you not concerned what they will think of you?"

"Steve, I don't care what they think of me. It's what you think that counts and I know you like me!"

This was not a front she was putting on. Suddenly I realised how far I was away from the attitude to life and attitude to people I wanted to have. Sharron has helped me to reach that level. Being around positive people at this stage was very beneficial to me.

Personal Development Power Tips

Personal Development, at its basis, is anything that allows us to grow into an ordered life that is of our choosing. This is one of the most cherished of goals among self improvement practitioners. There are some excellent methods available for achieving it. However, it is easier said than done. Here are a few hints and tips to get you started.

Clean the clutter from your life. There is an excellent saying in the personal development field,  "a tidy desk is a tidy mind". Often times your outer environment is a reflection of the way you think and feel. Is your living or working space always cluttered?  It's important that you start to order your environment to reflect the ordered life you are building. Clear away unnecessary clutter from your surroundings. This may sound like a meaningless task but you are sending a very clear message to your subconscious mind that you intend to get organised. 

When you begin to organise your living and working environment it allows you to develop the basic skills needed for organising your life. This can be achieved through goals. You should structure your goals in such a way that each one builds on the other and ensure that they are not in opposition to one and other.

Don't be too set on achieving your goals in exactly the manner you intend to. A major factor in the non-attainment of goals is the inability to restructure plans and change direction when circumstances dictate these should be done. Remain flexible. 

You learn from your mistakes and from hardship! This may be something that you do not want to hear because the very point of self improvement and personal development is to eliminate the suffering we feel in our lives and make to create a life we want to live. However,  challenges and failures have a tendency of bringing out the best in us as we rise to the challenge and learn from our mistakes. You can't truly know success unless you have failed! Learn from the failure and move on.

Don't focus on the mistakes. Simply analyse them and learn the lesson they are trying to teach you. By staying focused on your failures, problems or toils you are actually creating more of them or at least keeping them in your experience. Focus on the solutions or at least focus on the fact "your still in the game". Consider any mistakes you've made as life lessons. Apply what you have learned from them and use them as references (of what not to do) in the future. 

Always set goals for yourself that are realistic yet will stretch you beyond your current "comfort zone". Each goal should be an aid to progressing to your next. 
 
Make sure you follow through on your plans. Persistence can accomplish things that nothing else can. How many times were you close to the end of the rainbow, and without even knowing how close you were, you quit? You may be someone who has drive at the start of a venture but find your enthusiasm waning as you progress, lacking the motivation that is needed to "keep you keeping on" during times of hardship. Those who persist, especially in times like these, are those who ALWAYS win! 

Never, ever, ever give-up! 

The only true failure occurs when you quit. If you keep trying then obviously you haven't failed because the final verdict isn't in yet. But by quitting there is no more chance of success and you have failed!

Recreation is a must! You should aim to spend time with family and friends as this will offset any stress you are feeling and give you a balanced outlook. Human interaction is natural, healthy and enjoyable. Most goals will come to you through other people. This is a simple fact! No-one achieves anything worthwhile and worthy without some type of help or interaction from and with others. By keeping your social network open, alive and healthy you will open up avenues that you never knew existed.

Bring Love Into Your Life

So many people are complaining about the lack of love in their life. They act as if some stranger decided one day to take away the love out of their lives. They hold on to lovers already gone since eternity, or they dream about a partner coming into their life to give them everything they are not able to give themselves. They balance between hope and desperation. They look for love outside themselves and believe one day a charming prince on a white horse will knock at the door and take them away to live for ever happy in a castle for away from reality.

Other people are trying to survive in a bad relationship that holds their greatness hostage. They live in fear and anger every day but don't know how to get out of this prison.

Do you know such people? Does this sound like you? Do you feel lonely, are you dreaming of the right one who will show up one day and end all the misery you're going through now? 

The bad news is this will not happen.
The good news is YOU can do a lot yourself to feel loved.

Let me explain.
Life is like a building. There are a lot of floors : the ground floor, the cellar, the first floor, second floor and so on. The higher you go in the building, the more light there is, the easier and lighter things are, the more friendly and energetic people are, the higher are the vibrations and most of all : the more love there is.

Picture this building of life in your mental eye. In the cellar you will find people like rapers, thiefs, harassers, killers, people who beat their children or companion and others who made a life out of hurting others. 
On the groundfloor you will find a lot of people. In fact most of humanity lives here. These are the ones who content themselves by vegetating instead of living. They don't think by themselves, they undergo life. They do nothing. They live like robots. They go to their job every day, come home every day, watch the same television program every day with a beer in one hand and a hotdog in the other hand. They do not dream. They are stuck in their lifestyle and think everything will always be the same.

Then you go up. As I said, the higher you get, the easier, the lighter life is. Life IS easy, life IS light. The cellar, groundfloor and lower floors are creations from the human mind. We created these lifestyles by our heavy thoughts, thoughts about scarcity, fear, death, anger, sadness, revenge and so on. Here are the lives of those who choose to think low energy thoughts. Those who live in fear, hate, jealousy, doubts, low self esteem, troubles. Those have bad relationships, where struggle and anger and negativity set the tone. They are not happy. They maintain the illusion everything is someone else's fault and they have either to wait for the other to change, so their life will change, or they have to destroy the other one to have a better life (think of the one who kills the husband of the woman he wants to live with, or those who kill other minded people in order to be free to live like they want). This will never give freedom or love.

So what to do if you want to move up in that building of life and live free and in love?

First you have to make a decision. Yes, you have to decide WHERE you want to be. On which floor do you want to live your life now?

Is it the cellar? No, I don't think so. Is is the groundfloor? I don't think it either. Let's say you want to be at the 17th floor. But you feel you are at this moment in your life at the 3rd floor only. You hate your job, you have a lousy relationship with your partner, you're in bad shape and your energy is low. 
So you decided you wanted a life in the vibration of the 17th floor, where there is love, real friendship, positive expectations, inner strength, power, a job you like, health and wealth.

What to do? You decided where you want to be. What you will do now? Should you wait until someone will knock on your door to take you there? No way! Will never happen! Even if you would meet someone with an energy level of 17, he will never carry you from the 3rd to the 17th floor, because he will be exhausted. It needs to be YOUR decision and YOUR action!!

So YOU have to move yourself up. How? Read! Read more! Read how you can create your life by changing your thoughts and your behavior! Go to workshops where you can learn how to unleash you inner power. Use the wonderful information bank which is called Internet and which offers you a bunch of positive information and e-courses (often for free). Surround you with loving people. Learn how to love yourself.

So first you decide where you want to be. Than you do whatever you can to get there, on your own. You may ask help of course, you may find yourself a coach (which is really a good decision!) but don't look for somebody to carry you. You will fall down immediately the moment he puts you down. If you didn't get there by yourself, it won't last, it is not worth anything because you moved yourself up with somebody else's energy and you are depending on his energy.

Once you get at the floor of your choice, let's say 17, you will meet automatically people who vibrate at this level of energy. Energy-17 people. Loving, caring, wonderful people. People who feel good about themselves and who don't need others to steal their energy. They learned how to generate energy by themselves. They are not slaves. They are not dominators. They love and respect others.

Do you want to meet someone like that? Do you want to share your life with somebody who has a 17-energy (or more)? Go there! Go at their level and you will meet them, that's a guarantee!

Move yourself up.

If you live in a bad relationship right now, and you do whatever you can to get yourself moving higher, you will see what will happen. Your partner, who is still vibrating on energy 3 or 2 or on cellar-level won't be able to follow you and you will take separate roads.

Don't make the mistake of trying to pull someone up who wants to stay at his low level. You will never succeed. Especially women should be aware of this : don't spoil your energy at trying to get others moving up with you. It's a waste of time. Everybody should decide for himself. Don't carry others on your back, you will crack down! Decide for yourself, go for it, and see what happens. The higher you get in energy-levels, the better it will be. There you will agree with me : life is wonderful!

How To Increase Self Confidence

Are you looking into ways to help you to gain more confidence? Have you a lack of self-belief? Do you think that you are a weak person? Would you like to be more care-free person? If you have answered yes to any of these questions, this article may well be worth a read. I am going to write about how people can go about increasing their self-confidence. This advice is what I have used to help myself turn from an often depressive person to a now happy and relaxed young man.

My name is Steve Hill and I have to admit that for the first twenty-two years of my life, I did not exactly live life to the full or in the correct manner. I was basically like a scared rabbit, I worried about almost all aspects of life and was a very negative person. I needed to change this approach as I was not exactly a happy chap. Ten years ago I went about making this change by reading literature about self-confidence and by trying to learn how other people coped with their problems compared to me.

One of my many weaknesses was that I was very paranoid about what other people thought of me. I was desperate for people to like me and would easily get upset if people criticised me or made fun of me etc. In a way, I tried to hard to earn this type of respect and would do things and attend functions which I did not really want to, just to please other people of course.

I have now realised and accepted that it is important for me to be truthful to myself. I should be doing what I want to do and if people do not like me for whatever reason, then that is fine, I have enough people who do.

I have also decided to stop worrying about things like the future, money, relationships and work. Stressing about these and other things does not make life an easier, in fact it makes it a lot harder. There is no time in life for this type of fear, I should be spending this time trying to improve and enjoying my life. If something goes wrong which of course it will from time to time, I will deal with it when it happens, in a very positive and dynamic way.

As an example of my new found inner confidence was something that happened during a recent evening out I had with some friends of mine. We were all drinking quite a lot of beer and it was clear that most of my friends were intent on becoming very drunk. I like a drink but not half as much as what other people seem to. At around nine o'clock I had basically had enough of drinking alcohol and started to drink diet coke. My friends gave me some funny looks and made some comments, they were suggesting that I was not a true male. I did not care what they thought of me and told them so. If I want to drink diet coke then I will.

I am happy with my latest approach to life and am determined not to go back to the way I used to think and live. I do stress at times but quickly attempt to snap out of it by thinking in a more positive way.

Keep Thinking Positive For A Happy Life

I have met many people in my life who are very negative. They moan about seemingly everything and walk around with the weight of the world on their shoulders. I was also like that until the age of twenty-two, at this age I decided to have a new approach to life.

For those first twenty-two years, I was forever feeling sorry for myself. My friends all appeared to have so much more than me, and my life was one long hard struggle, compared to theirs. I was caught up in a web of negativity and needed someone or something to help me to escape.

During an afternoon at work one day, aged as I say twenty-two, a colleague I was working with started to talk to me. What he said was a shock to me, however would have a profound effect on my future. He said to me:

"Your are somebody who always thinks in a negative way, you a right depressive person, aren't you?"

"Am I?"

I said in a shocked voice as I believed I was no different to anybody else. He continued:

"Yes you are. You very rarely smile, you are negative about most issues and you always seem to be carrying the world on your shoulders".

This man was aged around fifty three and continued:

"I used to be like you and then I was given some advice, of which I am now going to relay to you. When you feel down, depressed or sorry for yourself, read the newspapers or watch the news on the television. You may then realise that you are in fact one of the lucky ones."

I had a long think about what he had said. I had never been a big reader or watcher of the news, but decided to give it a go. The advice he gave me was totally correct, the news from around the world and even my own country was quite shocking. I realised that the worries I had were actually quite trivial and that I needed to cherish everyday and start to look on the bright side of life.

Stephen Hill

Achieve Your Most Elusive Goals

Everyone has something in their life that they would like to change. Some really big goals include overcoming addiction, achieving and sustaining weight loss, attaining inner peace, manifesting health, or becoming more successful. We are born to continuously expand our abilities. The beginning of most goals are exciting. Visions of triumph flourish in the minds of those starting a path of change. Each new day brings energy to chase down the most elusive of goals. But what if you've been working on manifesting the same dream for years? And one day, despite your optimism, despite the effort of applying the tools of empowerment, you realize that you have not acquired the goal which you set for yourself.

Encountering a obstacle, even a seemingly insurmountable obstacle, doesn't mean you are on the wrong path. We all experience despair and doubt. Times where we question the worth of what we do. Moments of temptation to give up. I have them, as does each person I work with. I would wager that everyone striving to become more than they were before, reaches a critical time of choice. Feeling sorry for yourself is not a wrong action. What we often fail to see is the value in this pit of despair. This experience of despair is precisely what is necessary for the breakthrough to occur.

BELIEF SYSTEMS AND INTERNAL TAPES

The dark experiences of despair are not logical, nor solved intellectually. These moments of darkness mean we have brought ourselves back to the core of what we believe about ourselves. Deep painful beliefs that we would rather keep hidden from ourselves and from others. The pain of not yet achieving our goals forces us to look at what we believe to be true about ourselves. Limiting beliefs are varied, but can include the following:

"Something is wrong with me."

"I never get what I want."

"I cant' get what I want, no matter what I do. It's hopeless."

"Who I am is not enough."

"I don't belong."

When we are undergoing change, the realization we must make is that is it not what faces us that is the problem, but how we are reacting to it. How we react to the situation is based on our inner beliefs about ourselves. The despair is felt because you have increased inner conflict. Conflict of what you want to believe versus what you actually believe. This conflict must either be suppressed (by giving up the goal) or the conflict must be resolved (goal is attained or a new belief system becomes integrated.).

It is at this very pressure point, giving up or moving forward, that allows the choice to step into a new belief about yourself or to reinforce an old belief. Just because things seem insurmountable right now, doesn't mean you shouldn't be following this path. It only means you are face to face with what you believe. And an inner belief system being threatened can result in a variety of symptoms, the most common being negative thoughts, suicidal thoughts, hopelessness, low energy, panic or anxiety, or worrying about small details.

DARK PITS

With great change comes the risk of facing the darkness of what we believe about ourselves. Sometimes it's fairly easy to face the darkness and bring light. But sometimes we fall directly into the pit. If you fall in, take a breath and know this experience has great value. You are only here because you are ready to explore and encounter a horrible idea that you have about yourself. An idea that you can't have what you want, that your best isn't good enough, or that no matter what you do things remain hopeless. Inside the dark hole are ideas you made up about yourself when you were a child as an attempt to explain the experience of growing up. Your spirit is hiding in the darkness, waiting for your return. So if you are in the dark pit of despair you are in a place of blest fortune. You have reached the place in which you have hidden your spirit. Only you can choose to bring you spirit back into the light. As you face the darkness, will you decide to heal your spirit by offering it encouragement? Will you reassure your spirit and bring new information?

Let's say you decide to be with your darkness? Now what? You must sit with it. Sit with the pain of what this darkness represents. Yes, it feels overwhelming. Confusing. Hopeless. In the darkness there are only dark thoughts. Do not fight the darkness with more darkness (anger, frustration, threats, hopelessness . . ). It would only create a larger darkness. ACCEPTANCE alone is the key. The darkness and despair fights with all it's might to keep us believing that we are weak and defective. Not because it is evil, but because we put these beliefs into place to keep our spirits safely hidden in the dark. As an adult, you now hold the key to accept the darkness, to accept all the dark thoughts, and offer it love and light. Listen to your spirit. Let it speak its words of fear. Then offer your spirit comfort and acceptance. After all, your spirit went through some pretty tough times that it deciding hiding was the only safe option.

You have traveled quite a distance, only to come to a dead end. Accept that you do not have what you want. Accept this. Not with anger, not with frustration. Simply breath and accept. It doesn't matter why you are at this point. It is as it is. Now go more deeply into it.

This point of transition can provide opportunity to strengthen your spirit and not let outside circumstances throw you off balance. This is a pivotal occasion to choose empowering thoughts, practice gentleness and reassurance, and reinforce your belief that you can have what you want. Accept the experience as best you can. It will lead to insight. Acceptance of what is, even though it might feel terrifying, is the way out. Acceptance is not apathy. Use acceptance to allow you to go deeper. A journal, a therapist, or a trusted friend may help as you sit with these questions:

1. What am I experiencing right now?

2. What are my thoughts concerning this experience?

3. What am I feeling?

4. What do I believe about myself, my place in the world, as I encounter this dead end?

5. Is this similar to how I felt in certain situations as a child?

5. What does my spirit need to feel safe and trusting?

6. If I was wise and loving, how would I comfort myself?

WHICH PATH TO CHOOSE

Go forward or give up? There are no wrong choices. At this point of transition, do not force yourself. Do not inflict judgement upon yourself. Realize that you have invited yourself to question an essential belief you hold to be true about yourself. Maybe the time is right to sit with this, maybe the time is not yet right. If it is your destiny to allow yourself to have what your goal represents, you will create the opportunity once again. Relax. Recognize how terrifying this moment is and find compassion for yourself. What path should you choose? Carlos Castaneda wrote in, "The Teaching of Don Juan", "Does the path have heart? If it does, the path is good; if it doesn't, it is of no use. Both paths lead nowhere; but one has heart and the other doesn't. One makes you strong; the other weakens you." Perhaps the real transition at this choice point is the courage to open your heart to yourself as you witness yourself experiencing what you fear most.

SITTING WITH WHAT IS

To move through this doubt and despair, sit with what you feel. Speak the words of frustration and anger. Write them down. Often times what we most need is someone else to allow us to fully be in a place of utter hopeless. For them to say, "I see you there, and it's okay." And to know they won't attempt to fix it or make it better.

We need to offer ourselves the same compassion. To look at ourselves in our moments of despair and say, "It's okay that I feel this. It's okay that I am experiencing this." To offer ourselves the love and compassion of not trying to fix ourselves. If confusion is what you feel, fully feel confusion, with love for yourself as you feel it. Open your body and let confusion and expand within you. Experiment (with a therapist if this is too difficult) with not being afraid of your own emotions. Avoid the temptation to retreat into old patterns of starving, overeating, bingeing, or numbing out with other addictions. The fact that you are feeling such confusion is not a sign of failure. This is a sign of growth and courage.

Even though the feelings are difficult, recognize the value of being exactly where you are. Attempt to be with your feeling without judgement. Feel what you feel with acceptance. Accept that you are experiencing despair, hopelessness or frustration. No need to judge it. No need to defend it. No need to analyze it and figure out where this came from. It is acceptable to feel misery. It is acceptable to want to give up. We've all felt that at times. Your task at this critical point is to find a way to open your heart and receive to your own despair. Cry the tears, shout the anger, give witness to the unfairness of it all. Then decide. Even though you are at a dead end, what can you do right now? It might seem so much easier to go back to food, bingeing, alcohol, starving, exercise, or diversions for comfort. But is that what you really want? Refocus your thoughts away from the future and bring yourself back to right now. Bring words of power and encouragement. "I possess the gifts of inner belief, patience, conviction and discipline. I can choose my goals and I have the strength and stamina to reach for them. I am a working and viable part of the world and I have an important job to do. I am not afraid to believe in my inner strength or my power."

GREATER FAITH

As I continue on my journey, I have learned that achieving greater faith is an ongoing journey. and not just a one step process. Each of us have many limiting belief systems within that must be faced, accepted, and released. Faith in anything, including myself, is an infinite and ever expanding experience. There is a passage in Betty Eadie's book, "Awakening the Heart" where she describes faith as an ongoing process. First we have knowledge. Then belief. We practice belief over and over again, and eventually faith begins to develop. Whether you are talking about faith in a god, or faith in yourself, it is not something you wake up with one day. At least that is not my experience. It takes going back to the dark places to re-establish faith. Learning to be kind to our spirit that may be scared, stubborn, and even defiant.

Although it is painful and we may desperately want to run from what we feel, only by sitting with our spirit that is hiding in the darkness and bringing it love that we can re-establish faith. I have often wished at times it weren't so. It is excruciatingly painful to uncover what hurts within us. But we eventually discover truth: it is only our own misconception, our own belief, our own judgement and punishment, that we are not worthy. The reward is deciding, to our amazement, that it really is okay to open our own heart to all aspects of our self.

Finding True Love Through Intimacy

A lot of people have been asking about true love; is there such a thing; if so, what is it? Is it attainable; if so, how attainable is it? If it were just love, I wouldn't have so much difficulty. But, true love?
 
Talking about true love is risky business. I can imagine taking a poll, going around asking people who are looking for true love what it is they're looking for and getting different answers and a lot of "I don't knows." Given its subjective nature, it always comes down to one's interpretation or experience. A never-ending number of questions always seem to get raised. 
 
Let's establish that what we are talking about when we say 'true love' would not be referring to how a parent might feel towards his or her child or a child towards a parent, between siblings. The more traditional connotation of true love leans to, at very least, an emotionally intimate relationship, one that lasts a lifetime. It may be platonic, it may sexual. But for the purposes of this discussion we will first explore what may be some common core elements of true love and of true love that includes sexual intimacy.  

As we continue the discussion about what true love is, we will see that a number of related questions are raised.

Is true love, love at first sight? Or, does it come later in the relationship? 
 
True love may and often does begin during the initial encounter, when two people are meeting for the first time. However, the spontaneous, eye-to-eye spark, when time gets compressed, when an irrepressible stirring suddenly before they even talk happens more often in the movies, quite rarely in reality. 

After '…first sight,' the two people will eventually have to talk to each other. For then, they will get to see how they feel being together. That spark will either ignite or be kaput, depending on how it feels to be together, which is largely determined by the quality of their rapport. The highest high can go to the lowest low in the blink of an eye.

It is possible that when there is rapport, some kind of mutual discovery occurs; that they like being together (a lot), that they like each other (a lot), that they have this incredible chemistry, that they communicate about anything and everything; and that this turns them on even more. They can become quite excited by their rapport, but when attraction, desire and sex enter the picture, their excitement is further peaked.  

Is true love a matter of luck or something that was "meant to be"?  

Whether or not it was a matter of luck or their destiny to end up together, there is a strong likelihood that there was an initial rapport. It's not luck when conscious intention meets purposeful action. It doesn't just happen. Two people make it happen.  

Rapport is a joint effort creation -- two who are people united in purpose, who place a high value getting to know what each other thinks and feels, who want to connect deeply, and are doing so. 

During a rapport, there is a bridging of experience, understanding is achieved. Let's establish one criteria of true love as being able to say, "We understand each other," which often begins during the initial encounter. 

Along with the ability to achieve a deep mutual understanding is comes a variety of other pleasant surprises. When gazing into each other's eyes and communicating on a deep level, the feeling of knowing one another elevates the level of excitement. "We know each other like no one else does."  

For some, the experience of being able to be completely open, free and understood may be the highest of all highs. 

How long does true love last? Does it fade over time?   

It is reasonable to assume that if they did it once, they could do it again. However, there are no guarantees. What bears out in reality is that true love will last as long as both people are able to continue to communicate intimately. It may work to look at each and every encounter as a relationship in itself, independent of the others. It may also be considered that when there is consistency over time, the continuity will deepen their relationship, strengthen their bond.    
 
Is true love the same thing as 'being in love?'  Being with that special someone? Being number one? Being turned on? Having great sex? 

What does it feel like? Is it a high or rather mundane? Does it have substance or is it merely a bundle of excitement?  

Is it a long plateau of fixed contentment, like being "happy ever after?" Or, is it a never-ending, ever-deepening journey fraught with relationship threatening challenges?  
 
Answering the above questions will require that some important distinctions be made beginning with true love versus 'being in love.' Being in love is an altered state of mind. It is a peak experience – exciting, intense… and temporary, tantamount to being high, running on adrenalin. 

When 'in love,' two people may feel extremely turned on to each other, but how intimate they are is another question. They may feel clear-headed and certain about each other while they're in love, while forgetting that they're looking at each other through the lens of idealization, and are often disillusioned and overwhelmed when reality sets in. They are expecting, assuming or hoping that their altered state of mind will last indefinitely. Chances are they don't have the experience in relationships that would tell them real intimacy is lacking or hasn't yet been achieved and/or that they haven't yet been challenged by negative feelings, conflicts or differences. It is more likely to be that they are basking in the false security of their distorted perception. 

Another important distinction is true love and great sex.

Confusion is evident in the words often used to describe our sexual encounters. "We were intimate." "We made love." Physical or sexual intimacy becomes synonymous with true love or emotional intimacy. A common pitfall when there is attraction, desire, great sex, etc, is to assume more of a relationship than there is.  

In light of this confusion, it's safer and more accurate to not equate true love, or, for that matter, emotional intimacy with attraction, desire or sex; and not to equate the two. Even great sex in no way guarantees emotional intimacy or a great relationship. The two are separate entities and there is no correlation between them. 

One reason for this confusion is that emotional openness and sharing are considerably harder to achieve than the excitement, pleasure and ease associated with sex. Once again, it's a trap of false security.
  

Does true love depend on the prevailing conditions and circumstances at any given point in time, a matter of being in the right time and place? 

If  there are conditions and circumstances conducive for true love, we may consider them to be contextually based relationships. There is a variety of situations that fit into this category. One is when two people meet when traveling away from home, outside of their usual reality. Another is work-related. There are a great many occupations that afford co-workers intimate knowledge about each other, and endless opportunities to earn respect and trust. In the military, for example, soldiers live and train together for months, sometimes years, and must rely on each other in battle. Police and firefighters also spend large chunks of time together and must depend on each other. Actors travel the whole spectrum of emotions, baring their souls to each other. And people who've been through an extreme experience together, i.e. a natural disaster or a terrorist attack, naturally seek understanding and support from the only one who had been through the same experience.   

In contrast, a natural setting is in the natural course of life, independent of an imposed structure, when you must rely solely and entirely on each other to create and sustain rapport.

In these types of situations, it's quite common to explore whether they're able to sustain intimacy, whether their relationship can continue to work outside of the context in which their relationship grew, in a natural setting. Sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn't. When their relationship works in both settings, they may be more inclined to use true love to describe their relationship. 

Also, when sex enters the picture, a whole other set of dynamics will enter the picture. An intimate platonic relationship doesn't necessarily translate to a sexually intimate relationship. 
 
When it comes to true love, intimacy may be the operative term; true love being interchangeable with true intimacy.    

While intimacy may be the operative term, true love may also refer to a bond that goes above and beyond intimacy. We might say, "They are hitting on all cylinders."

Feeling Hopeless

Letter: "I don't know why I'm writing this - it's so unlike me to actually feel 'hopeless.' I am a single mom raising two teenaged boys. After my youngest was assaulted on the way to school last year, I quit a decent job in television to start my own marketing/p.r. business out of my home. I had two clients that, at the time, which enabled me to make more than I had working for the tv station. And then in March, one of the clients and I parted ways. We had very different expectations. Ultimately, we each had contrasting views over what my role would be. That cut my income in half.

I have attracted one new client - but at a third of what my former client paid. And now, I'm in debt (deeply). And now, I'm in debt (deeply), my account is overdrawn because my other significant client "got behind" and didn't put in my automatic payment into my account until yesterday - and it takes 24-72 hours for it to show up (they had told me it was going to be put in last Thursday)! My ex's child support is late and I don't even have enough money to pay for groceries until the money shows up. I'm terrified that checks will bounce and I'll be left with nothing.

I can't sleep. My stomach is in knots. I almost feel as if my kids would be better off with their dad. He's very well off and could afford to give them everything I can't.

I don't know how to get out of this poverty mentality. I don't know why I have such feelings of lack when it comes to my finances. Tomorrow I have a meeting with a potential client and I can't even focus on putting together a presentation for him. It's as if I already know that he won't want to work with me, let alone PAY me. I get so up for things, I have such great expectations and then everything falls flat.

In ALL other areas of my life, I'm doing well. My kids are terrific - good hearts, straight-A students, excellent athletes. I don't have weight issues.
I don't have problems with my relationships with the opposite sex. It's just that MONEY seems to be slipping out of my grasp. 

Quite honestly, I do believe that money buys a fair amount of happiness. At least for me, knowing what I've gone through these past years, it would buy some peace of mind. And that's what I want. Freedom and peace of mind. To go where I want. To do what I want. To FEEL how I want to feel. 

Can you help me get out of this negative spiral?"
A Reader 

Rebecca's reply:

"Dear Reader,

Thanks so much for writing. And I hope you are feeling better. YEP. I've been there a few times. I can remember days when all I could do was walk around the house saying, 'I just want to feel good' over and over. Eventually, I did start to feel better. Now, feeling good is my dominant feeling.

Actually, you are an excellent 'attractor'--look at what you are telling your self about money and then notice how you are attracting more of the same.

If I were coaching you, I would ask you to take a piece of paper, and draw a big letter T on it. Then label the left column "I don't want" and the right hand column, '"I do want".

First make a list of everything you don't want. Just use the letter you sent to me and write down stuff like:

I don't want clients paying me late. 
I don't want cheap clients who can't afford to pay what I'm worth. 
I don't want child support payments to be late. 
Get all the negatives OUT of yourself and onto paper.

Then go through each item, and ask your self, "If I don't want this, what do I want?" and write down what you DO want in the right hand column.

When you've written a 'Do Want' for each item on the left, FOLD THE PAPER down the middle so you are looking at the 'Do Want' list. Keep that list in front of you at all times. Start to imagine what it would feel like having clients who JOYFULLY pay for your services. How wonderful it is when the Child Support checks arrive a day early!  Work at keeping your FOCUS on what you DO WANT. If you start to think or talk about something on the 'Don't Want' side, just say, "I've dealt with that, AND what I DO want is…"

The T-tool is the BEST Law of Attraction Tool for getting clarity! And once you have clarity, what you want IS on its way to you.

Choices

All that you create or do not create in your life- comes from choice.  Embrace and understand the dynamics of this essential ingredient of power.  You suffer when you dis-empower yourself by feeling that you are not in control of your destiny.  Freedom lies in understanding that you choose everything!  Even in "inaction" there is a choice.  In reality there is no true inaction or stagnation.

You can justify your situation by proclaiming, "I have no choice" "I cannot do anything to change my circumstances" "there is nothing I can do" etc. That is a false belief.  You can "choose" to allow the outer world to affect how you see your situation- yet; there is never a situation in which you do not have power and a choice.

With each choice, there is a consequence and an energetic price that must be paid.  So, it is not that you do not have a choice- you are only choosing which energetic price you choose to pay.

If you are currently in a working situation in which you are unhappy, you can make several choices.  

You can choose to stay because you are fearful of change, of the economy or whether or not you can find another means of income.  The price you will pay for this choice is continued feelings of boredom, anger, hopelessness, lethargy and depression.  Eventually this feeling will affect other areas of your life.

You can choose to stay- yet, change the energetic of how you see your situation.  The simple act of using an empowering thought form can create a dramatic change in how you see your situation.  "I will stay in this job because it is providing me with an income at this time.  I will keep my eyes open for new opportunities and know that this is a temporary situation and I can choose again at any time".  

You can choose to leave the job with the understanding that you are a creative being and can manifest a new source of income.  From an outer view, this looks as if it is the most "expensive" choice in terms of energy.  Yet, on another level it is not.  What is required is a profound faith.  

The first of these three examples is actually the most "expensive" for to continue to live under such circumstances will rob you of your life force.  The most gentle of the three is the second option and the most daring and magical is the last.

The same wisdom applies to relationships (both platonic and romantic)

You can choose to stay in an unhappy, stagnant or abusive relationship. You can continue to complain about how miserable you are and how you cannot leave the relationship for various reasons.  You can justify and make excuses for your circumstances- yet; all the while you will continue to live in anxiety and pain.  You can choose to continually dream about what else may be out there for you- yet, never giving yourself an opportunity to explore the possibilities.  The price for this choice is an un-calculatable amount.

You can choose to stay in the relationship with the affirmation of "I love this person and I choose to communicate my feelings with them to help bring about the needed changes.  I will focus on the positive qualities and begin to let those be the guiding force.  After a period of time, if I am still unhappy and see that the situation will not change, then I can choose again". By doing this, you empower yourself by knowing that you are staying because it is YOUR CHOICE- not because you have no other options.

You can choose to leave the relationship and understand that this choice may lead to some pain and loneliness for a short time.  You may feel sadness and loss, yet with that will come an undeniable sense of freedom.  The level of your anxiety, negative thoughts and feelings will diminish, making way for a higher vibration of life affirming energy.  Your affirmation would be "I am choosing to leave this relationship/friendship because it is not contributing to my joy and ultimate happiness. I know it may be painful for a little while- yet, I also know there are billions of people on the planet and numerous opportunities to meet new friends and lovers."

When you use the words choose or choice in an affirmation, prayer or thought- the ears of the Angels perk up and they listen.  The Universe begins to realign your world to meet that choice.  There is so much magic in the understanding of this wisdom.  

The same principle applies to what you view as "missing" in your life.  You want to create a business, prosperity, a new job or a relationship yet you see that nothing is manifesting in your life.  You can CHOOSE how you see your situation.  You can make conscious choices as to how to get to the place you want to be.  Statements like "I will never work for myself, I do not have the means to create my own business." "I will never find a good job", "I will never meet my soulmate/twinflame", "I will always be poor", "I will never get what I want" - all reinforce the CHOICE to create more of the same.  

Choose creative and life affirming statements and thought forms and watch how your life is transformed.  The Angels stand ready to assist you in your choices to create your desires.

I choose to take steps to immerse myself in the knowledge and learning I need to start my own business.  I choose to put all my energy to creating what I want.

I choose to KNOW that there is a wonderful abundance of potential life partners and friends in the world for me.  I choose to attract individuals who I will enjoy being with.  

I choose to embrace HEALTH and vitality.

I choose to feel good.

I choose to allow prosperity to flow into my life.

I choose to allow my spiritual insight and faith to be my guiding force.

Paula Picard Psychic and Spiritual Teacher
www.paulapicard.com
314.308.2053

Filter In Savings At the Gas Pump

Feeling the pinch at the pump? With record high gasoline prices, many drivers are concerned about their vehicles' fuel economy. The good news is that a simple maintenance procedure can help motorists improve their gas mileage. 

"One of the easiest ways to substantially enhance a vehicle's fuel efficiency is to change a dirty air filter," said Susan Groom, leader of product engineering for FRAM. "It's a quick and simple task that practically anyone can perform."

According to the U.S. Department of Energy, replacing a dirty air filter can improve gas mileage by as much as 10 percent. Based on an assumed fuel price of $2.20 per gallon, that equals a cost savings of up to 22 cents per gallon. 

FRAM, a leader in automotive filtration for more than 70 years, manufactures a variety of air filters for virtually any vehicle. Motorists can simply select the air filters that fit their vehicles and driving styles and, in less than 15 minutes, they can replace an old or dirty air filter to help improve their vehicles' performance.

A basic air filter, such as the FRAM Extra Life Air Filter, is ideal for the average motorist who commutes to work, frequents local stores and occasionally embarks on long road trips. 

Truck and SUV owners who want extreme engine protection should look for the FRAM Tough Guard Air Filter, which has advanced features designed to withstand the tough driving conditions that trucks and SUVs often encounter.

Motorists who desire high performance benefits, such as increased engine airflow for better vehicle horsepower, will likely need the FRAM AirHog Air Filter. This washable and reusable filter is designed to last the life of a vehicle and provides drivers with a cost savings of more than $200 in regularly scheduled filter changes. 

"Changing a dirty air filter can benefit any motorist and any vehicle," Groom said. "Not only can a new air filter improve vehicle performance, but it can also lead to significant savings at the gas pump."  - NU

Eating Right to Improve your Personal Life

The main thing to a healthier you, is to eat right exercise and visit your family doctor regularly. This is all part of a healthier you and if your healthier you will feel better about your self. One of the biggest problems we have today is that most people do not eat right. While the world is wising up, they still fall short of proper eating habits, since we are rushed by a face paced world. 

What do I have to do to eat right?
Eating right is a hard thing to do for some of us and for others it is easier to do. Eating healthy is a big problem these days. For some of us it is hard to buy healthier food due to the fact it cost more to fix meals the right way. There are a lot of people that are just making it in the real word with out having to buy a loaf of bread that cost $2.50 a loaf when they can get a loaf for $.50 so what do they do get the $.50 loaf and knowing that its bad for them but that's all they can afford. So eating right can be hard for you too. We have options. You can grow your own home garden; bake your own bread for a fraction of the cost and so on. 

What are some of the things I can eat?
Some of the things you can eat right are vegetables, dairy products, high-protein dishes and so on. You need a certain amount of fat, carbs, etc, which helps to keep you healthy.  
You can get a list from your family doctor or you can go to the library to get information on the basic four food groups. If you cannot afford to eat right then maybe you should not eat as much. In addition, do some excising; excising is always good for you. Exercise will increase your health, even if you cannot afford the four basic groups of nutritious foods. In addition, you have many services available to you, which can offer you food supplies.  

How do I learn how to eat right?
If you want to learn how eat right you can read about it in books from the local library or maybe you will want to talk to your doctor. Your doctor might be able to tell you how to go about doing this and the right way for your body. You cannot just jump in and change everything about you overnight. You have to take time to start and to learn. For some of us that have been eating wrong all of our life, this would be hard to do over night. Then again, others may not have any problems with it. You want to consider your position and move forward. 

Will I feel better if I eat right?
You will feel a lot better if you eat right. Eating right has a lot to do with how we feel. If we lack nutrients, it can make one feel depressed, ill, etc. Since, we get vitamins from our foods, you may want to include natural regimens of vitamins in your daily schedule also. 

The right vitamins we need every day to make us feel good about our self. We get many vitamins from what we eat. Vitamins are what make us feel like a person. So if you eat right and get the right vitamins daily that your body needs to function you will feel a lot better about your self and that will help you to improve your personal life.

Make Chocolate Covered Strawberries At Home

It isn't hard to tell when spring has arrived officially. I agree that the signs aren't always clear when you look at the weather, but they are clear when you look at the produce section of your grocery store. For example, strawberries are always in abundant in the spring. You will find many grocery stores offering them at very affordable prices during this season.

Many of us get excited about the abundant number of red berries but not excited enough about eating only strawberries all week. You will find many irresistible buy-one-get-one-free offers. With such offers you might end up having more than enough berries to consume. If you don't know what to do with all these berries you can use them to make chocolate covered strawberries.

Sounds exciting? I bet.

Recently I saw an ad for chocolate covered strawberries from a local chocolate factory. But when I saw the price offered for it at reputable store, I was shocked. What I then did was to engage in price comparison. This made me to discover, to my greatest amazement, that average cost of chocolate covered strawberries is expensive. I then decided to find out how to save money and still get what I want.

I don't know why, but the expense of the treat made it much more appealing. Of course, this isn't to imply that I want to get into a chocolate covered strawberries buying frenzy. It simply means I want to find out if there was a way I could make them myself. If I succeeded I could then put the produce sales to good use.

My thought previously was that I would need expensive cocoa blocks for melting and dipping. But thankfully, I discovered that the best way for melting chocolate is via old-fashioned chips which can be bought right from your local grocery store. Of course this was really great news for me as I hate going to and fro looking for what I want, even though I have no problem going for chocolate covered strawberries that are not too expensive.

Another news I came across is the fact that I can use my microwave for this purpose. You see, in theory, making chocolate covered strawberries is easy. You should follow the necessary instructions carefully. By following the instructions carefully you will not scorch the chocolate.

For starters, fade the chips in a microwave-safe bowl. Don't forget the importance of using the defrost setting. Also, remember that when you dip your chocolate covered strawberries on high, it will scorch it. What to do? Wait until the dip is quite smooth. This can take two to three minutes.

Do you know the specific technique that people use to dip chocolate covered strawberries? Simply dip the berries into the mixture, and then shake the excess away as you withdraw it. Lastly, you can then give the chocolate covered strawberries a few whirls in clockwise direction, and then set it on wax paper. After this you are set to start enjoying the labor of your hard work!

Family Camping Tips

One of the fondest childhood memories I have are camping with my dad. My dad and I would grab our tent, sleeping bags and fishing poles and head down to a local lake for a weekend. Camping can be a wonderful activity for the entire family. It can also become a huge calamity if you are not prepared or don't know what to expect.

If you are not experienced at camping then it might be best to start with a commercial campground. These campgrounds are often listed in the yellow pages. The costs of these campgrounds is often nominal and they usually have showers, bathrooms, electrical hookups, running water nearby, fire pits and a camp store for any necessities that you may have forgotten. Established commercial campgrounds also often have activities for the entire family including swimming pools, hiking trails, paddle boats and fishing lakes. Although most of these campgrounds are set up for campers they almost at always have tent sites as well.

Once you have tried camping at an established campground you may decide to want to rough it out in the woods on your own. To find locations for tent camping you might try doing an internet search on camping.

Regardless of where you go camping it is important that you be prepared. The following is a list of items you should consider for ensuring you are prepared for an enjoyable camping trip.

Camping Inventory

1. Tent. You can find a wide selection of tents in various sizes from 2 person tents to family sizes. You might consider getting the children their own tent. They will enjoy having their own space.

2. Sleeping bags and an air mattress if desired.

3. Flash lights and extra batteries.

4. Matches

5. Cookware. Cooking on an open fire will probably not be good for your best cookware so you might want to bring older pots and pans or consider buying a camping cookware set. Think ahead about foods that will be easy to cook on a fire.

6. Firewood. If you are not camping at an established campground you may not have access to firewood.

7. First Aid kit. This should include band aids, peroxide, gauze, burn crème, tape, a tool for removing splinters, and anti bug spray.

8. Water for drinking

9. Trash bags. Whether you go camping at an established campground or in the woods somewhere it is imperative that you leave the area exactly as you found it. If the location does not have trash bins then pick up your trash and take it with you. Don't ruin the experience for the next family.

If you carefully plan your camping trip and expect the unexpected by being prepared for anything you will have a great time camping.

Motivate Your Motivation

This week you finally did it.  You brought the gym bag out of storage and joined a spinning class.  Or, you finally decided to quit smoking.  Or, you bought that juicer and have vowed to start eating healthy.  Whatever the goal is, you finally have what it takes – motivation.  

And so you plunge ahead.  Until…

Until that point in time when the big motivation train starts losing its steam.  When you're just too tired to go to the gym after work.  When you decide "just one" cigarette wouldn't hurt.  When you look at that juicer and that mound of carrots and kale and decide it's easier just to have a glass of milk

If only you had it like the good old days.  You remember the good old days, don't you?  The days good old Mom used to nag you to do your homework, nag you to write your term paper, nag you to go to soccer practice, nag you to stop biting your nails.  Ah, Mom, the original Life Coach.  

You now find yourself faced with two options – give up like you've done so many times in the past, or give your motivation a kick in the butt with the "Magic 30 Minutes."  

Don't let the name fool you.  The "Magic 30 Minutes" doesn't require you to purchase either a rabbit or a hat.  Although it's so simple you'll feel like you've pulled a rabbit out of a hat.  The "Magic 30 Minutes" is that 30-minute period between waking and falling asleep, where your mind begins to shift from a waking state, through a light trance state, to a sleeping state.  That's right; you actually go into a light state of hypnosis before going to sleep.  

Used effectively, such as reading a pleasant story to children before they sleep, the mind is filled with positive images, which helps promote positive thinking.  And, since you're already in a light state of hypnosis, your subconscious is most suggestible to positive and negative suggestions.  Unfortunately, most people use the "Magic 30 Minutes" ineffectively, watching the news before retiring, thus filling their minds with crime, tragedy and fear - very negative suggestions indeed.  

So, how can the "Magic 30 Minutes" help motivate your motivation?  Simple.  Thirty minutes before falling asleep write out positive affirmations to yourself about whatever goal you'd like to achieve, such as "I love my body and will treat it well, like going to the gym or drinking a glass of fresh vegetable juice."  Repeating one's positive affirmations are good, but since the act of writing involves using many different senses – touch, sight, thought – writing out your affirmations sends an even stronger message to the subconscious, resulting in quicker positive changes.

Utilizing the "Magic 30 Minutes" can work with motivation for any goal, can boost confidence and self-esteem ("every day in every way my confidence grows"), and can even be used to attract prosperity to one's life ("I am open and receptive to a more prosperous life").  You have no more excuses.  Just five minutes of writing affirmations before going to bed can change your life.  

Of course, if you'd prefer to move back in with Mom…  I didn't think so.

Are You Controlling or Loving Yourself?

How often do you hear a parental voice in your head that says things like, "You've got to lose weight," or "You should get up earlier every morning and exercise," or "Today I should get caught up on the bills," or "I've got to get rid of this clutter." Let's explore what happens in response to this voice.

We have a very good reason for judging ourselves: the judgmental part of us believes that by judging, criticizing, "shoulding" ourselves, we will motivate ourselves to take action and therefore protect against failure or rejection. We may have been judging ourselves to get ourselves to do things "right" since we were kids, hoping to keep ourselves in line. And we keep on doing it because we believe it works.

Let's take the example of Karl, who is a high-powered executive in a large accounting firm. Karl has had a heart attack and is supposed to watch his diet. Right after his heart attack, he did well avoiding sugar, fats, and overeating, but after six months or so, he found himself struggling with his food plan. In our counseling session, Karl told me he was upset with himself for having a big desert as well as a big meal the night before. I asked Karl to put himself back into the situation and recreate what he had been feeling.

"Well, I was out to dinner with one of our biggest clients. He asked me a question and I didn't remember the facts, so I couldn't answer him. As soon as this happened, that voice came into my head telling me that I'm stupid, that I should have remembered it and 'What's the matter with me anyway?'"

"What did you feel as soon as you judged yourself?" I asked.

"Well, looking back, I think I felt that sad, sort of dark empty hollow feeling I often get inside. And you know what - that's when I started to eat a lot of bread with tons of butter and ordered the desert! I didn't realize it was in response to that empty feeling that I hate!"

"So the sad empty feeling is what you feel when you judge yourself. Judging yourself is an inner abandonment, so your Inner Child then feels alone, sad and empty. You are telling your Child that he is not good enough. I know that you don't do this with your actual children, but you do it a lot with yourself, don't you?"

"Yeah, I think it do it all the time. After I judged myself for not knowing the answer, then I judged myself for eating too much and having desert. And then I felt even worse."

"So what did you hope for by judging yourself?

"I guess I hoped that I could control my eating and also get myself to work harder so I wouldn't forget things."

"It doesn't seem to be working."

"No, it just makes me feel terrible. In fact, I can see that judging myself for not knowing the answer made me feel so badly that then I wanted to eat more. Instead of giving me more control, it gave me less!"

"So you are trying to have control over yourself through your self-judgments, but what actually happens is that you feel awful and behave in addictive ways to avoid the pain. I think what also happens is that some part of you goes into resistance to being judged and told what to do, so you end up doing the opposite of what you tell yourself you should do."

"Right. As soon as I tell myself not to eat so much and judge myself for eating, that's when I really want to eat. So I'm eating to not be controlled and also because in judging myself I'm abandoning myself, which makes me feel sad and empty, and I've always used food to fill up that emptiness. Whew! How do I stop this cycle?"

"You can't stop it until you are conscious of it. As long as you are doing it unconsciously - on automatic pilot - you have no choice over it. So the first thing you can do is not try to change it but just notice it. As you become very aware of this pattern, you will have the choice to change it. You will have the choice to be loving and caring toward yourself instead of judgmental once you become aware of what you are doing. You can start by noticing every time you feel that empty sad feeling, and then exploring what you were telling yourself that led to the painful feeling."

Karl did start to notice and over time was able to stop judging himself. Not only did the sad empty feeling that he had experienced so often in his life go away, but he was able to keep to his medical nutrition plan for his heart. When his Inner Child felt loved instead of judged, he didn't need to eat to take away the pain.

Prosperity, Step-by-Step

Some may think that the change from paucity or 'the norm' to abundant prosperity is a mysterious and miraculous leap brought on by fate or fortune. It is not. It is, in 99% of the cases, a step-by-step and conscious following of an envisioned and intentional path; it is a proven formula.

The formula is repeated on almost every page of the Prosperity Paradigm Website. It is stated simply as Purpose + Passion + Persistence = Prosperity. It may sound simple. It may even, for most, be something too simple to seem real. It is, however, the path that all those who achieve the prosperity they dream and desire, walk step-by-step.

The lover of math in me likes to define it as 3p=P.

If you critically examine the lives of most people, you will see that they wander through life without (a defined) purpose. It is the rare individual who can tell you in a short paragraph immediately when asked, What is the purpose of your life? Even amongst those who can answer, the response most give is usually some vague and hollow repetition of some assumed or inherited survival, societal or spiritual meme. It is meaningless drivel.

It is the truly rare and almost inevitably successful and happy individual who will be able to state succinctly and definitely what the real and tangible purpose of their life is. Their defined purpose may not seem all that important to you. That matters not a whit. It only matters to that person that it has value; more, that it has an all-consuming importance.

If you do not know what your real (self-assigned) purpose is, then the first and most critical step on your path to real and lasting prosperity (and happiness) is to define your purpose. Only you can do that for yourself. Any purpose assigned to your by parents, peers or societal expectations is false. It will not, therefore, bear the fruit you desire success and fulfillment, i.e. prosperity, which is the having of an abundance of ALL things held ideal in mind and dear in heart.

It may take some critical self-examination and a great deal of personal honesty to arrive at a real, defined sense of purpose for your life. So what? What else are you doing with your life? Are you tired of being just average or unhappy; weary of merely surviving?

Figure out with what purpose you journey through these few short years on planet earth. It is step one in your quest for having a meaningful and purposeful life. You, and only you, must decide and define your purpose. Then go about living your each and every day to fulfill that purpose. It is aptly called being on purpose.

Ah, passion. How we soar when we have it! Remember falling in love and lusting after being with that one truly special person? Passion! How wondrous! How consuming! How addictive! How enlivening! How intense! How fulfilling! How passionate!

The next step in your path to real and lasting prosperity is to become PASSIONATE about your purpose and your moment-by-moment existence.

It is often called a lust for life, but it is more than that. It is a lust for the self-decided purpose of your life, AND, it is an immense gratitude for being blessed with being able to pursue that purpose.

Get passionate or stay home. Without passion, life is mediocre. You have already learned that lesson, even if you deny or forget it in order to tolerate some normality or compromise. you have made to get through each day without passion.

Now, here is the tough part for many, many people life will throw you curves, put up road blocks, appear to resist your journey and generally test your resolve. The majority will take these 'obstacles' as proof that they are mistaken in their choice of purpose and passion or that they were not destined to have the level of prosperity they desire. Those who take these 'messages' as lessons or as opportunities to garner more strength will be the ones who succeed. Persistence pays dividends. Huge dividends. Invest in a little persistence.

Although I would like to find a way to say it better, there is no greater quote than that spoken by Calvin Coolidge, "Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent."

So there we have it. The simply stated, but not so simply applied, formula for achieving the prosperity you desire 3p=P.

So now you know. The only thing holding you back from having your heart's desire is your lack of application of this one formula.

It is your choice. You are totally free to choose a purpose for your life (or not). You are totally free to become passionate about life and your purpose (or not). You are totally free to desist (give up/compromise/take the easy way out) or persist.

Prosperity is a matter of choice, not chance.

Quit Smoking – You Can Do It

Smoking is believed to be 10% physical addiction and 90% psychological addiction.  The nicotine withdrawals usually subside in three days or less, but the psychological dependency on smoking is much more difficult to defeat.

In order to help you quit smoking, you need to do a self-analysis on the reasons you smoke and the reasons on why you want to quit smoking.

The easiest way to do this is to make a list.  Label one column on why you started smoking and the other column on why you want to quit smoking.

In column one, list all the reasons you can remember as to why you started smoking.  Was it peer pressure?  Rebellion?  Did you think it made you look cool?  Did it make you feel like a grown-up?  Really, try to remember the exact reasons why you started smoking and write them all down.  

Now review your list of reasons why you smoke.  Do any of those reasons still apply in your life today?  More than likely the reasons you started to smoke does not apply to the reasons you smoke today.  If you are like most people, you will see that your reasons for becoming a smoker are no longer valid, are often just silly, and are easily outweighed by the risks to your health and your family's well-being.  

Now write a list on why you want to quit smoking.  This one may seem obvious, but it can be a bit deceiving.  You really need to take some time and think hard about this.  Do not just list the obvious health reasons.  You have been reading the Surgeon General's warnings for years with little effect, so you need to come up with reasons that truly have meaning for you.  

The most common reasons that people to quit smoking are:
· I do not want to get lung cancer.
· I do not want to have a heart attack or a stroke. 
· I would like to live long enough to see my grandchildren grow up.  

Certainly the list above are good reasons to quit, but the truth is, is that they are possibilities and not specifics.  For example, sure, you might get lung cancer, you might have a heart attack or a stroke, and you might die young and miss seeing your grandchildren grow up, or you might not!

The bottom line is that you are not going to break a psychological addiction based on what might happen to you if you continue to smoke.  Your addiction to nicotine will work hard to convince you that it will not happen to you. 

The alternative is to list health problems that you are experiencing now.  Your list should point out things in your life that you are actively unhappy about and are STRONGLY MOTIVATED to change.  In order to break your psychological addiction, you need a battery of new thoughts and desires that are stronger than your desire to smoke!  

For example, the list below identifies that most smokers can relate to right now.  Not what might be.

Health Reasons

· I get so out of breath when I exert myself even a little bit.  Just vacuuming the house makes me pant and gasp.  

· My feet are always cold.  This could be due to high blood pressure and poor circulation associated with smoking.  

· I have a nasty wet cough and I have to blow my nose excessively.  Mucus build-up is the body's reaction to all the toxins and chemicals in cigarette smoke and could be a precursor to serious respiratory disease.  Even if I do not get cancer, I do not want to be one of those people who have to carry an oxygen bottle.

· I am always tired.  Could it be that my body is using up all its energy trying to eliminate the toxins and chemicals from cigarettes?  

Vanity Reasons

· Smoking causes premature aging and drying of the skin.  I do not want to look like a wrinkled up old prune! 

· My fingers, fingernails and teeth are all tobacco stained.  Disgusting!  How embarrassing.

· When I get on the elevator after a smoke break at work, everyone wrinkles their nose and tries to edge away from me because I reek of cigarette smoke.  I feel like a leper.  It is embarrassing to be the smelly one the elevator.  I feel like I have no self-control. 

· My breath is awful.  Kissing me must be like kissing an ashtray.  I spend a fortune on breath mints.  


Financial Reasons 

· If I save all the money I used to spend on cigarettes, I will have enough to take a vacation in Cancun (or some other warm tropical place) every winter! 

· I could use the money to pay off my credit cards! 

· I could donate money to my favorite charity or sponsor a child.  My cigarette money could make the world a better place! 

Family Reasons 

· My family can stop worrying about me. 

· My spouse will have to find something new to nag about to me.

· My children will be proud of me and they will never start smoking themselves, having seen firsthand what a nasty destructive habit it is.  

Cleanliness Reasons 

· The walls used to be white.  Now they are a nasty dirty-looking brown.  I need to repaint... again! 

· I stink, my car stinks, my house stinks, everything I own reeks of cigarette smoke.  I cannot even lend a book to a non-smoking friend because they cannot stand the smell of smoke permeating the pages! 

Do you see yourself in any of the items listed above?  You may have many more reasons of your own.  Write down as many compelling and emotion reasons to quit smoking as you can think of. 

If you can re-train your mind to think of smoking as a silly and self-destructive thing to do, then you are almost sure to succeed.

Practicing Discipline In Life

I've been thinking a lot about what I believe to be the central challenge facing our society today. It's not an original concept by any means, but more and more I come to believe that it is the key to unlocking every success principle in existence.

Discipline.

Discipline may seem like an odd thing to emphasize- but I see the results of real discipline every day.  I also see the results of the lack of discipline every day.  Here's what I mean:

Think about anyone who you would consider to have "made it".  You know the person- the woman who is the number one producer in your office and also has a family that loves her and is very close.  Maybe you think of the guy who consistently outperforms everyone else and still has time to take numerous vacations AND train for a marathon.  Perhaps you are envisioning the manager who genuinely loves developing the team and does a great job of it.  Maybe you are considering your own track record right now.  Whomever the example, picture clearly why they popped into your mind as an example of success.  Now, if you watched that person very carefully, I guarantee you that you will see that nearly everything they do is purposeful, focused and disciplined.  They are disciplined about setting goals and achieving them.  They are disciplined about maintaining a great attitude, and they're likely very disciplined about how they use their time.  You'll notice that when it's time to work, that individual WORKS- so that when it's time to play they can do so freely and without baggage. 

On the other hand, consider the individual who perpetually seems to get the short end of the stick.  You may know someone who is extremely intelligent, or is very positive and upbeat, or perhaps has a great sense of humor and everyone loves them.  Everyone either knows somebody or is somebody who seems like they should be extremely successful in Life, but for some reason they just keep struggling and scraping by.  If you watch that person very carefully, the underlying cause is almost always a lack of discipline- about Goals, about their Attitude, about how they use their Time, or about how they communicate- or maybe all of the above.  Either way, I notice more and more that the most frequently occurring theme in the lives of truly successful men and women is the theme of discipline.  As Albert Gray says in The Common Denominator of Success, they have "formed the habit of doing what unsuccessful people don't like to do".  They are motivated by pleasing results rather than just pleasing activities.  In other words, they are disciplined. 

So then what I got thinking about was the question:  "What is discipline?"

Well, I had heard once before that the word discipline has the same root as the word disciple. As in "a follower".  Now I didn't want to get all super-religious or cultish on anyone, so I started thinking about what it actually means to be a disciple.  I couldn't really put my finger on it until recently when the answer was physically handed to me in church.  The sermon was called "Majoring in the Minors" and the notes at the bottom read as follows:

"…a disciple is one who stays focused on what really matters, and is careful about letting other less important issues or concerns get in the way."

Says it all, really.  Again, I'm not trying to create some Cult of Personality here.  I just encourage you as you begin this day, this week, this month, Your Life- stay focused on what really matters to you- at Work and in Life.  Be careful about letting less important issues or concerns get in the way.  I urge you…be a disciple of your own success.

Always Think Positive, There Is Always Somebody Worse Off Than You

This article is about learning to think positive. There are far too many people walking about in a state of gloom and depression. I have to admit that I was one of these people until I managed to turn my whole life around at the age of twenty-two by taking a different approach. I hope you find the article beneficial and enjoyable to read.

From around the age of eleven when I started high school to the age of twenty-two I was not exactly a happy person. One person actually mentioned that I walked around like I had the weight of the world and its problems on my shoulders.

I was always looking at other people in my class for example and thought that they were so much luckier than I was. They did not seem to have half of the problems that I did. I was jealous of them as they were seemingly cruising through life where as it was one huge struggle for me.

You may be wondering what my troubles were. I had a stutter which had affected me from the age of four. Stuttering put a huge dent in my confidence and made me withdraw into my shell. 
I had a weight problem which was mainly caused by comfort eating when I was depressed. Since birth, I have had a bald patch on my head, it is not a large area of baldness, however it was big enough for people to notice and mock me. I was always the shortest person in the class and for a male I am well below the average height at five-foot four.

At the age of eighteen, I was having a conversation with one of friends who is called John. John was one of the people I had always been jealous of for many different reasons. On this particular evening we were both fairly drunk and John had became quite emotional. During our conversation he told me that his father was an alcoholic and that at certain times when he arrived home worse for wear that he would hit his mom. He was very worried about this and was not sure what to do.

Over the next few years, I found out aspects of other people's lives in my circle of friends, which I had not been aware of. The issues I had were very visible, where as their problems had been hidden and kept secret.

I have become more and more interested in world affairs since the age of about twenty. Certain events from around the world have really shocked and I find it hard to imagine how I would cope living it various countries. I am now very grateful that I was born in the UK.

I have learnt that we all have problems and that in most cases there is always people worse off than ourselves. I now try to think in a much more positive way and am very happy with the cards I have been dealt.

Addiction to Worry

Carole started counseling with me because she was depressed. She had been ill with chronic fatigue syndrome for a long time and believed her depression was due to this. In the course of our work together, she became aware that her depression was actually coming from her negative thinking - Carole was a constant worrier. Many words out of her mouth centered around her concerns that something bad might happen. "What if I never get well?" "What if my husband gets sick?" "What if I run out of money?" (Carole and her husband ran a very successful business and there was no indication that it would not go on being successful). "What if my son gets into drugs?" "What if my kids don't get into good colleges?" "What if someone breaks into the house?"

Her worry was not only causing her depression, but was also contributing to her illness, if not actually causing it. Her worry caused so much stress in her body that her immune system could not do its job of keeping her well. Yet even the awareness that her worry was causing her depression and possibly even her illness did not stop Carole from worrying. She was addicted to it. She was unconsciously addicted to the sense of control that worry gave her.

I understood this well because I come from a long line of worriers. My grandmother's whole life was about worrying. She lived with us as I was growing up and I don't remember ever seeing her without a look of worry on her face. Same with my mother – constant worry. Of course, I picked up on it and also became a worrier. However, unlike my mother and grandmother, who worried daily until the day they died, I decided I didn't want to live that way. The turning point came for me the day my husband and I were going to the beach and I started to worry that the house would burn down and my children would die. I became so upset from the worry that we had to turn around and come home. I knew then that I had to do something about it.

As I started to examine the cause of worry, I realized that worriers believe that worry will stop bad things from happening. My mother worried her whole life and none of the bad things she worried about ever happened. She concluded that nothing bad happened because she worried! She really believed that she could control things with her worry. My father, however, never worried about anything, and nothing bad ever happened to him either. My mother believed that nothing bad happened to my father because of her worry! She really believed until the day she died (from heart problems that may have been due to her constant worry) that if she stopped worrying, everything would fall apart. My father is still alive at 92, even without her worrying about him!

It is not easy to stop worrying when you have been practicing worrying for most of your life. In order for me to stop worrying, I needed to recognize that the belief that worry has control over outcomes is a complete illusion. I needed to see that, not only is worry a waste of time, but that it can have grave negative consequences on health and well-being. Once I understood this, I was able to notice the stomach clenching that occurred whenever I worried and stop the thought that was causing the stress.

Carole is in the process of learning this. She sees that her worry makes her feel very anxious and depressed. She sees that when she doesn't worry, she is not nearly as fatigued as when she allows her addiction to worry to take over. She sees that when she stays in the moment rather than projecting into the future, she feels much better. The key for Carole in stopping worrying is in accepting that worry does not give her control.

Giving up the illusion of control that worry gives us not easy for anyone who worries. Yet there is an interesting paradox regarding worry. I have found that when I am in the present moment, I have a much better chance of making choices that support my highest good than when I'm stuck thinking about the future. Rather than giving us control, worry prevents us from being present enough to make loving choices for ourselves and others. Worrying actually ends up giving us less control rather than more!

Addiction to Thinking

Randall sought my help because he was stuck being miserable and had no idea how to get out of his misery. In his life he had experienced moments of great joy and sense of oneness with all of life, but those moments were infrequent. He wanted more of those moments but had no idea how to bring them about.

Randall is an extremely intelligent man, but in some ways he was using his own intelligence against himself. The problem was that when Randall did have those brief moments of true connection, he immediately went into his mind to try to figure out how it happened. The moment he went into his mind, he lost the connection that he so desperately desired.

The reason Randall went into his mind was that, as much as he wanted the joy of deep spiritual connection, he wanted something even more than that - control over that connection. Randall's ego wounded self believed that he could control the connection with Spirit with his intellect - if only he could figure it out then he could control it. The last thing Randall wanted to do, which is what is necessary to connect with Spirit, is to surrender his thinking. Randall was deeply addicted to thinking as a way to not feel his inner experience. Thinking was his way of controlling his painful feelings, such as his aloneness, loneliness, and helplessness over others and over his spiritual connection.

Many us of are addicted to thinking. We believe if we can just figure things out we can control others and the outcome of things. We want to control how people feel about us and treat us by saying just the right thing - so we have to think about it over and over to discover the right thing to say. This is called "ruminating." Ruminating is obsessively thinking about something over and over in the hopes of finally coming up with the "right" answer, the right thing to say, the right way to be to have control over others and the outcome of things. Ruminating is also a way to have control over our own painful feelings, which is what addictions are all about.

In my work with Randall, he would immediately go into his head and analyze what was happening in the session the minute feelings came up. Over and over I would bring him out of his head and into his body, into his feelings. His feelings were so terrifying to him that he could only stay with his feelings for a few moments before he was back into his head - explaining, figuring out, intellectualizing. He was so terrified of the soul loneliness and aloneness he felt that he had learned to avoid these feelings with his mind. Yet until Randall was willing to feel his painful feelings, which had been there since childhood, he couldn't stay out of his head. As long as his intent was to control his pain rather than learn from it, he would not be able to move into the spiritual connection he so desired.

The purpose of all of our addictions are to avoid pain, especially the deep soul loneliness that we all feel in this society. The problem is that our disconnection from our feelings - which is our Inner Child - creates aloneness as well. Our feeling self, our Inner Child, is left alone inside with no one to attend to the painful feelings. It is only when our desire is to learn about how we may be causing our own painful feelings that we open to our inner experience. Our desire to learn also opens the door to our spiritual connection, which we cannot feel when our intent is to avoid pain with our various addictions.

It took Randall many months to be willing to feel his painful feelings, but he discovered that when he finally had the courage to feel them, it was not as bad as he thought. In fact, when he was no longer abandoning his Inner Child by going into his addictive thinking, he no longer felt alone within. Connecting with himself allowed him to connect with Spirit more and more of the time. Rather than getting there through thinking and trying to control it, he was getting there by being present in the moment with his inner experience - surrendering to the moment. Randall found that while he could not control others and the outcome of things, he actually did have control over his misery - by choosing the intent to learn rather than protecting against pain. While he couldn't control Spirit, he did have control his own intent, which eventually led to his being able to connect with Spirit.